[ Something warms unexpectedly in his chest at that. Just that small reassurance of someone actually wanting to see him, to be around him. It's something so easy to take for granted until you've been without it. Trying to pick through his words and decide what to say in return (while, meanwhile, that mountain grinds in his ribcage), he settles on: ]
I could make an exception for you.
[ a beat, then: ] And, I mean. You've got a pretty nice face I wouldn't mind looking at, either.
[ Uggghhhhh, Buck, why you gotta be such a dork— ]
[ Phones were expensive these days. Smartphones were ludicrously expensive compared to what he was used to. That was the other thing holding him back, but he'd get there eventually. He takes another sip from his coffee, head tipping back against the wall of the plane, feeling that faint vibrating hum all around them. ]
So do you guys just... stay up in the sky? All the time? Where do you land?
[ The logistics of all these agents living on the Bus was starting to pique Bucky's curiosity. How in the hell did it work? ]
[It takes a minute for it to hit her, he was willing to spend money on a phone just so they can talk. Her stomach does another flip, but she tries to keep her expression neutral.]
We land when we need to, where we need to. Sometimes weâre grounded for a day, but usually itâs only when we need to refuel or get called in.
[ There's a small teasing lilt to his voice, but then Bucky turns serious again, his words careful as he doesn't meet her eye for a moment. ]
You sure that'd be okay? I can't imagine I'm... your employer's most favourite person.
[ He'd never exactly planned on crossing this particular bridge, and still doesn't plan on going into it in detail, but it felt necessary to at least address. Accepting SHIELD's charity feels strange, ill-fitting. (There's a few names tucked away in his notebook. Relatives of agents he'd killed.) His debt to this agency, to what the SSR became, is hazy and still undefined. ]
[ There's a flicker that crosses his face, a faint wince, although he lets her take his hand. Bucky's still slumped against the wall and he glances down at her hand; his thumb hooks around one of her fingers, just the slightest anchoring contact. Bare skin-to-skin touch, even something as small as fingers grazing, still feels new to him. ]
It still happened, though. Doesn't change that fact.
[ The Winter Soldier had torn through the SHIELD pilots like a wrecking ball, leaving devastation in his wake on that helicarrier. If Daisy had been there at the time—
God. He doesn't want to ask this. Still doesn't want to cross this bridge, especially on the heels of such a nice evening and morning, but if not now, he's not sure they'll ever trip into it again. And something something, facing the past. That's what he's supposed to be doing. Isn't it? ]
[Daisy breaks eye contact with Bucky when he brings up a question she feared he might ask. Not because she at all saw this as his fault, but because she hasnât thought about all of that in a while. It brings up a lot of bad memories for her. Wardâs betrayal, Fitzâs brain damage. All of it comes to the forefront of Daisyâs mind.]
Ironically? Just becoming an official field agent for SHIELD. Then SHIELD fell, soâ
[Daisy smiles sadly, eyes lifting to meet his, she shrugs.]
[ Bucky waves his metal hand, the one that isn't still interlinked with hers; gesturing to her quarters, the massive plane around them. ]
You came back to the organisation. You guys must have been rebuilding.
[ He doesn't actually know very much of what had happened with SHIELD in the years in-between; it's one of the blank spots on the map that he hadn't gotten to pay attention to, while he'd had so much else going on. Living on the run or being sequestered away in Wakanda, off-grid. ]
[Daisyâs smile brightens a little when he points that out.]
Never stopped really, even when we werenât official for a while.
[Maybe it was stupid. How much she just wanted that badge to mean something. She didnât have many goals growing up other than to find her parents. So to want to work towards something, it just meant a lot to her.
This couldnât be easy for him to hear or talk about, so she tries to give him an out.]
We donât have to keep talking about it, if you donât want to.
[ He hesitates, trying to figure out if he does want to keep going down this road. He'll have more questions down the line, probably. This is the organisation born from the SSR; the one that thawed Steve; employed Nat for a while; put together the Avengers. It feels like Bucky's been nipping at their heels for decades now, circling them, with all these unexpected, vague connections to his life. ]
I don't think I have any more questions right now, really, except—
[ His voice is faint, bemused and a little disbelieving: ] Is my name actually carved on a wall at headquarters?
[She does a decent job of hiding her concern when he makes it clear he's going to ask something else, but her eyes light up immediately when he asks her about the wall of valor.]
It is.
[Would the next part freak him out? Or would it brighten his day? She risks bringing it up anyway.]
You're in history books too. Non-SHIELD ones. Not that I paid much attention in school, but, I definitely recognized your name on that wall because of history class.
Oh, god. [ Bucky untangles his hand from hers in order to bury his face in his hands — but it doesn't sound like he's miserable or freaked out, more just the sheepish, bashful reaction of someone who still has absolutely no idea how to accept that particular fact. ] And I thought I'd just come to terms with having a plaque at the Smithsonian.
[ That was never going to not be weird. His old clothes were there, propped up on a standee alongside the other Howling Commandos' uniforms. ]
Somehow it was easier if I just thought, like, it was Steve's exhibit, and I was just a footnote there. [ His hands sink and he peers at her again, warily. ] What do the history books say? Is it just the usual stuff? Captain America's childhood friend, fought HYDRA, died heroically falling off a train?
[ There's something rueful in his voice; at least he's able to half-joke about it. (He can joke about it as long as he doesn't touch on the other half. The 'shouldn't all those history books be revised and my name be scratched off the Wall of Valor, because I'm actually still alive and I killed a bunch of you' part.) ]
[Eyes lighting up, Daisyâs smile only grows at his reaction. She doesnât think heâs actually mortified, which is why she doesnât hide how sheâs on the verge of laughing.]
Basically, yeah. I mostly just remember when they showed us footage in class and I thought:
âWow. That guy is cute, and so is that James guy.â
[ Somewhere partway between sheepishness, still, but also feeling a strange sort of charmed and flattered. For a second, Bucky doesn't think anymore about how the most famous footage is from immediately after the liberation of the POW camp; doesn't think about how haggard and tired he often looked in the reels. (It was war; everyone was tired.) ]
That old footage was garbage. Sepia and all jumpy, and scratched up from being transported overseas. Nowadays you have like... what d'you call it? High-def hotties.
[ He's somewhere partway between mortified and amused, and this just digs the hole deeper as he bites back another laugh. He'd shove her, if he didn't have superstrength. ]
I just mean pictures! Pictures are really high-quality these days! You can practically see people's pores!
[ Years and years before he was this stony-faced shell of himself, he'd been a goof, once upon a time. With her, around her, Bucky can feel himself slowly coming back to that version of himself. ]
Hey, Agent Johnson, I'll remind you that you specifically asked for video calls. That means you're gonna have to suffer through my overblown pores. So. As long as you're okay with it.
[ instead of pushing her, he does lightly knock his shoulder against hers, companionably. it's? nice?? just being able to joke around like this, and to be so increasingly comfortable with each other. ]
[Daisy bites back a laugh when he teasingly calls her âAgent Johnsonâ. Letting out a sigh, she pretends to act as though it would be a real struggle.]
Iâll just move my phone further away so I canât see them in detail.
[Smiling wide when he knocks his shoulder into hers, Daisy looks down at her coffee mug, suddenly feeling a little shy.]
As messed up as last night was, Iâm glad we got to spend time together.
[Daisy peeks at him from the corner of her eye before lifting her gaze to make eye contact with him again.]
[ A kind of fleeting panic crosses his face — oh no, is she talking about the kiss, has he made a huge mistake — but then he puts two-and-two together a moment later. Jesus. He'd almost completely forgotten about the HYDRA agents, despite them being the whole reason they'd wound up on this helicarrier like this, patched-up and practically evacuated from the city streets. ]
Oh. Right. Yeah. Man, I actually almost forgot. [ It is, almost literally, just another day in the life for Bucky Barnes. But now his own smile is broadening, charmed and surprised by her unexpected shyness. He's not used to seeing Daisy bashful. ]
I mean, I think I might owe some thanks to that attempted kidnapping. Watching movies with you in person is— way better.
[ How do you say 'hey I enjoyed the makeouts, let's do that again sometime'? He has no idea, and so he doesn't even try yet. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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And what if that's exactly what I am?
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I donât know, are you? Or are you willing to get with the 21st century and get a phone where we can video chat?
[She wonât admit it but she would love to see his face when theyâre not together.]
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You wanna video chat?
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I wouldnât mind seeing you even when weâre physically apart.
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I could make an exception for you.
[ a beat, then: ] And, I mean. You've got a pretty nice face I wouldn't mind looking at, either.
[ Uggghhhhh, Buck, why you gotta be such a dork— ]
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Wouldnât want you making an exception just for me, but I wouldnât mind looking at your face either.
[Of course sheâs going to tease him, even if she means what she says.]
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[ Phones were expensive these days. Smartphones were ludicrously expensive compared to what he was used to. That was the other thing holding him back, but he'd get there eventually. He takes another sip from his coffee, head tipping back against the wall of the plane, feeling that faint vibrating hum all around them. ]
So do you guys just... stay up in the sky? All the time? Where do you land?
[ The logistics of all these agents living on the Bus was starting to pique Bucky's curiosity. How in the hell did it work? ]
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[It takes a minute for it to hit her, he was willing to spend money on a phone just so they can talk. Her stomach does another flip, but she tries to keep her expression neutral.]
We land when we need to, where we need to. Sometimes weâre grounded for a day, but usually itâs only when we need to refuel or get called in.
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[ There's a small teasing lilt to his voice, but then Bucky turns serious again, his words careful as he doesn't meet her eye for a moment. ]
You sure that'd be okay? I can't imagine I'm... your employer's most favourite person.
[ He'd never exactly planned on crossing this particular bridge, and still doesn't plan on going into it in detail, but it felt necessary to at least address. Accepting SHIELD's charity feels strange, ill-fitting. (There's a few names tucked away in his notebook. Relatives of agents he'd killed.) His debt to this agency, to what the SSR became, is hazy and still undefined. ]
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You're a hero, Bucky, and not just to SHIELD.
[Daisy reaches out to place her hand on top of his if he lets her.]
What happened to you wasn't your fault and everyone here knows it.
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It still happened, though. Doesn't change that fact.
[ The Winter Soldier had torn through the SHIELD pilots like a wrecking ball, leaving devastation in his wake on that helicarrier. If Daisy had been there at the time—
God. He doesn't want to ask this. Still doesn't want to cross this bridge, especially on the heels of such a nice evening and morning, but if not now, he's not sure they'll ever trip into it again. And something something, facing the past. That's what he's supposed to be doing. Isn't it? ]
Where were you? That day? Can I ask?
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Ironically? Just becoming an official field agent for SHIELD. Then SHIELD fell, soâ
[Daisy smiles sadly, eyes lifting to meet his, she shrugs.]
I was used to being disappointed by that point.
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[ Bucky waves his metal hand, the one that isn't still interlinked with hers; gesturing to her quarters, the massive plane around them. ]
You came back to the organisation. You guys must have been rebuilding.
[ He doesn't actually know very much of what had happened with SHIELD in the years in-between; it's one of the blank spots on the map that he hadn't gotten to pay attention to, while he'd had so much else going on. Living on the run or being sequestered away in Wakanda, off-grid. ]
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[Daisyâs smile brightens a little when he points that out.]
Never stopped really, even when we werenât official for a while.
[Maybe it was stupid. How much she just wanted that badge to mean something. She didnât have many goals growing up other than to find her parents. So to want to work towards something, it just meant a lot to her.
This couldnât be easy for him to hear or talk about, so she tries to give him an out.]
We donât have to keep talking about it, if you donât want to.
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[ He hesitates, trying to figure out if he does want to keep going down this road. He'll have more questions down the line, probably. This is the organisation born from the SSR; the one that thawed Steve; employed Nat for a while; put together the Avengers. It feels like Bucky's been nipping at their heels for decades now, circling them, with all these unexpected, vague connections to his life. ]
I don't think I have any more questions right now, really, except—
[ His voice is faint, bemused and a little disbelieving: ] Is my name actually carved on a wall at headquarters?
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It is.
[Would the next part freak him out? Or would it brighten his day? She risks bringing it up anyway.]
You're in history books too. Non-SHIELD ones. Not that I paid much attention in school, but, I definitely recognized your name on that wall because of history class.
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[ That was never going to not be weird. His old clothes were there, propped up on a standee alongside the other Howling Commandos' uniforms. ]
Somehow it was easier if I just thought, like, it was Steve's exhibit, and I was just a footnote there. [ His hands sink and he peers at her again, warily. ] What do the history books say? Is it just the usual stuff? Captain America's childhood friend, fought HYDRA, died heroically falling off a train?
[ There's something rueful in his voice; at least he's able to half-joke about it. (He can joke about it as long as he doesn't touch on the other half. The 'shouldn't all those history books be revised and my name be scratched off the Wall of Valor, because I'm actually still alive and I killed a bunch of you' part.) ]
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Basically, yeah. I mostly just remember when they showed us footage in class and I thought:
âWow. That guy is cute, and so is that James guy.â
[Daisy is a shit and she knows it.]
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[ Somewhere partway between sheepishness, still, but also feeling a strange sort of charmed and flattered. For a second, Bucky doesn't think anymore about how the most famous footage is from immediately after the liberation of the POW camp; doesn't think about how haggard and tired he often looked in the reels. (It was war; everyone was tired.) ]
That old footage was garbage. Sepia and all jumpy, and scratched up from being transported overseas. Nowadays you have like... what d'you call it? High-def hotties.
[ He is an embarrassment. ]
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[And she was definitely more focused on the hot guys than she was about doing the work she was supposed to be doing in class.]
You're right, it doesn't do you justice.
[Smoooooth.
Her flirtatious smile only lasts a few seconds before she busts out laughing.]
What?
You mean porn?
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[ He's somewhere partway between mortified and amused, and this just digs the hole deeper as he bites back another laugh. He'd shove her, if he didn't have superstrength. ]
I just mean pictures! Pictures are really high-quality these days! You can practically see people's pores!
[ Years and years before he was this stony-faced shell of himself, he'd been a goof, once upon a time. With her, around her, Bucky can feel himself slowly coming back to that version of himself. ]
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[Heâs not wrong though, cameras have come a very long way.]
You know this means Iâll be able to see your pores up close on our video calls though. You going to be okay with that?
[Honestly she deserves to be shoved for being such a little shit.]
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Hey, Agent Johnson, I'll remind you that you specifically asked for video calls. That means you're gonna have to suffer through my overblown pores. So. As long as you're okay with it.
[ instead of pushing her, he does lightly knock his shoulder against hers, companionably. it's? nice?? just being able to joke around like this, and to be so increasingly comfortable with each other. ]
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Iâll just move my phone further away so I canât see them in detail.
[Smiling wide when he knocks his shoulder into hers, Daisy looks down at her coffee mug, suddenly feeling a little shy.]
As messed up as last night was, Iâm glad we got to spend time together.
[Daisy peeks at him from the corner of her eye before lifting her gaze to make eye contact with him again.]
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[ A kind of fleeting panic crosses his face — oh no, is she talking about the kiss, has he made a huge mistake — but then he puts two-and-two together a moment later. Jesus. He'd almost completely forgotten about the HYDRA agents, despite them being the whole reason they'd wound up on this helicarrier like this, patched-up and practically evacuated from the city streets. ]
Oh. Right. Yeah. Man, I actually almost forgot. [ It is, almost literally, just another day in the life for Bucky Barnes. But now his own smile is broadening, charmed
and surprised by her unexpected shyness. He's not used to seeing Daisy bashful. ]
I mean, I think I might owe some thanks to that attempted kidnapping. Watching movies with you in person is— way better.
[ How do you say 'hey I enjoyed the makeouts, let's do that again sometime'? He has no idea, and so he doesn't even try yet. ]
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poss a wrap? â¤ď¸