armeyets | for viuva.

[ the whole time that she's showering, he's having a minor heart attack.

he paces the confines of the studio apartment and compulsively cleans it: bucky packs up the first aid kit and puts it away again, and grabs a bottle of water for her. scrubs at the armchair a little, but it's a lost cause. he anxiously remakes his bed, but the sheets are already tucked in tight against that brand-new bedframe. there's just so few objects in this apartment that there isn't even anything to straighten up, no way to make it look even more presentable, and no way to occupy himself while he's trying not to listen to that distant muted sound of running water.

and when yelena steps out from the bathroom, he has a major heart attack.

his gaze drifts downwards to the dangling hem of his shirt, accidentally riveted and caught by the sight of the long lines of her bare thighs, the turn of her knee and calf, her bare feet on the hardwood floor. she is not wearing pants. yelena is not wearing pants. bucky swallows, a ripple of surprise and self-consciousness crossing his face. ]

Uh, yeah— of course— sorry, forgot—

[ and back to the closet and he digs around. he doesn't actually have anything that works besides boxers, so when he walks over to her, he has to hand over a pair of plaid boxer shorts. his actual underwear. he's staring fixedly at her face now, chin up, preventing himself from sneaking another glance at her thighs. how did they wind up like this? —except because he's james barnes, he also can't resist harkening back to the last time she was here: ]

You do have super strong legs.

[ yelena has to bite back a smile. has to choke back a laugh as she watches bucky scramble for something to wear underneath his shirt that she's wearing, after he was so obviously ogling at her legs. like a teenage boy — well, it doesn't surprise her, considering how he's living. in the meantime, she removes the towel and throws it onto the towel rack in the bathroom behind her. her hair was tied when she was getting operated on by dr. bucky barnes, but now her hair is down and still much too wet, leaving damp spots on his t-shirt.

he fulfills her request and she takes the boxers from him. in turn, she gently shoves her folded pile of clothes against his chest, the bottle of pills sitting atop. at this point, it's a little too late for yelena to pretend like she has any shame or too shy when she takes a step back to slip into the the provided boxer shorts. in front of him. (she probably would've done the same if it were anybody else; except her heart wouldn't be hammering this hard against her chest, she's pretty sure.) ]

Oh! These are pretty comfy— What?

[ give her a second. she's racking her brain and he can probably tell by the way her features contort into slight confusion before she bursts into a fit of laughter. ]

Yes, that's what I said. But you said they were "very nice", if I remember correctly.

[ LOOK. SHE CAN BE SMUG ABOUT IT IF SHE WANTS TO BE ]

And they still are.

[ she is really, truly, trying to kill him. yelena starts getting dressed right then and there, and bucky catches the briefest glimpse of her ass before he swivels on his heel and hurriedly walks a few steps away, accidentally colliding with the living room endtable. he swears, low under his breath, hobbling on his bruised knee, and then finds the laundry basket squirreled away in that closet; her sullied clothes can join his on the next trip to the neighbourhood laundromat. maybe as revenge, he'll force her to keep him company while waiting down the street sometime.

but his heart is hammering in his throat as he stares at the blank wall, shoulders stiff, fixed on that point and not turning around until he is absolutely one hundred percent certain that it's safe. for all that he keeps mouthing off, he really is shy, too; his hands tied by those decades on decades of rust and unfamiliarity, this part of his life having long-since faded away. ]

It, uh. I left out a bottle of water for you. You should stay hydrated.

[ he is so stupid. ]

[ she is absolutely tickled at his admission, even more so at his reaction to her getting dressed in front of him as if he didn't just have his hands on her bare side half an hour ago. granted, he was tending to her wound and didn't have much of a choice but still —

she manages to snatch the pills before he skitters away god knows where, since there is zero room here for him to hide with the exception of the bathroom that she is half-occupying. yelena sees him crash into the table, and she figures MAYBE she should go easy on him. even though she isn't doing anything......

yelena stomps over to him when he mentions "water" and petulantly, she crosses her arms over her chest.

one word: ] Vodka.

Both, [ bucky counters immediately — apparently being irritatingly responsible tonight, because he's not having yelena dehydrate from bloodloss on his watch. nat would never let him live it down, if any harm came to her sister while he was supposed to be looking after her. but he does comply: wanders back into the kitchen, grabs the bottle of vodka (it's a good brand; he'd apparently picked up some knowledge over his years with the russians), pours a shot and hands it to her with one hand, the bottle of water in the other. and then stares at her, near-unblinking, while he waits to see if she'll drink both. and he goes ahead and says it: ]

Nat would literally murder me if you pass out from bloodloss at my place. So for my own survival: stay hydrated.

[ yelena does not contest against him insisting on both water and vodka. this, she can deal with and that is why she doesn't say another word. instead she waits there patiently until he returns with both his hands full. she twists the pill bottle open and pops two into her mouth, drinking them down with water — and then chases hydration with dehydration in the form of vodka, instead of the other way around. ]

There. [ she smiles, content with this outcome even though she was frowning at him just a second ago. ] Now we both live.

[ she's in a much better mood now — has been since she cleaned up, let's be real — and she goes as far as elbowing him in the side, waggling her eyebrows at him. ]

So, my legs, huh?

Oh my god, shut up.

[ bucky groans, mortified all over again, scrubbing at his face with his hands. and yet it's all, weirdly— refreshingly? normal? and kind of nice? because there's an undercurrent of humour beneath it all, and a playfulness that keeps him on his toes. he moves slightly away from her again, because the sight of yelena belova in his boxers and with his shirt hanging off her body, the loose neck and sleeve slipping down one shoulder, is life-ruining. this is life-ruining.

and he's realising there's something they never actually clarified. there was, maybe, the chance that she was just going to clean up in the shower and then pull her pants back on and head back out into the night, but now.... ]

Are you staying? [ a beat ] Because I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to climb balconies while hopped up on painkillers and bleeding everywhere.

Edited 2021-07-31 05:54 (UTC)

[ bucky's mortification only brings yelena gratification, and she doesn't bother to hide it either. it takes some time for that annoying shit-eating grin of hers to fade, even as he asks the question of the night.

she gives him space, for now. she figured out early on that her presence flusters him to some degree, though she has an inkling it has everything to do with her wearing his clothes. which, she gets. she'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed. absolutely!

her fingers latch onto the hem of the oversized tee, to tug on it and show him how much room there is beneath the fabric. ]

I could probably make a cape out of this and fly back to my shitty motel room, no? [ she won't take the chance tonight, though. the painkillers will start to kick in sooner than they usually do, but that's her fault. she was the one that insisted on vodka, so — ] If you'll let me crash here, I will. But I will say that I always thought you were the type to wine and dine a girl before inviting her to spend the night.

You technically got wined. There's probably some stale chips in the cupboard if you want to snack.

[ they keep circling this. the jokes took on the tenor of flirtation a while ago even via text, of hinting at— something— but he's not sure what to do with any of it, the insinuations, the way they skirt the edges of addressing whatever-this-is (is he wining and dining her?? god, who can tell). so instead, bucky goes ahead and perches himself on the end of his bed, grabs the remote and turns on the tv, flipping through the channels until he finds some comfortingly banal middle-of-the-night programming. a sitcom with a live audience, predictable beats, laughter. it turns out to be Friends, 'the one with the tiny t-shirt'; he snorts at the irony when the episode title pops up on the channel finder. ]

You can crash here. I'd feel like shit kicking you back out onto the streets.

[ maybe he'll make a return to sleeping on the floor, just for tonight. it's fine. ]

Ah, yes. The way I strong-armed you into giving me vodka. I suppose that counts! I don't want your stale chips so you can dine me another time.

[ she says it so casually — even though it is practically a demand — that she doesn't even stop to think that, hey... maybe he doesn't want to?

it's not a thought that crosses her mind, ever. mostly because yelena is so used to taking. and he did lend her his shirt and boxers for her to wear so his actions have to mean something, don't they? oh well, it's too late for her to take anything back now because it's already been said and done. that, and she's already following him to his bed like this is a normal occurrence.

yelena shows zero signs of discomfort as she climbs into his bed, but instead of the edge she goes straight for his pillows, resting her back against the headboard with her legs folded underneath her. she also has no complaints with the channel he's settled on; she likes friends. used to watch it a lot as a kid. ]

Chandler was my favourite.

Mine too. [ bucky really should be making himself more comfortable on his own bed, but he's still seated on the edge. there's a moment of hesitation, but then it's like some thoughtful gears have turned and turned and finally interlocked in his mind, unfolding an anecdote that he suddenly remembered as a result of this tv show. ]

Fun fact about Captain America. When we were on the run from SHIELD and living off-grid, these reruns were pretty much always on, no matter where we were in the world, so we wound up watching them. Steve and I would get into debates over which one of us was Chandler and which one was Joey. I think we compromised and settled on him being Chandler, 'cause he was the awkwardly earnest only child, and I was Joey, since I had the army of sisters.

[ and once upon a time, bucky had been an extrovert and a ladykiller — quick to flash a smile and a compliment, lining up double dates, strolling through the stark expo with a woman on each arm. but god, those days were long ago. sometimes it felt unrecognisable. ]

I do really relate to Chandler, though.

[ completely unsurprisingly. ]

[ bucky has his back to her so he can't see how yelena's eyes go wide with surprise when he starts and doesn't stop. she doesn't dare interrupt him during his story time because this is literally a once in a blue moon occurrence.

his reminiscence, despite what she could only assume was a rough period of time for them, has the corners of her lips slowly curling into a fond smile.

he says he relates to chandler and, ] That makes a lot of sense actually. [ yelena almost says it's why she likes him, but she quickly bites her tongue. ]

it doesn't seem fair to me that you based your decisions off of those traits specifically. You're not peppy and adorably dumb enough to be Joey but you have Chandler's snark, his self-deprecating and sarcastic sense of humour— wait. You said you had sisters?

[ amused, bucky finally swivels sideways to look at her, sliding a little further back on the bed. ]

Wait, does that mean you're saying that Cap was peppy and adorably dumb?

[ was, past tense, considering the man's disappearance from the world and the fact that there's a new captain america on the scene now. it's bittersweet, but it seems like bucky's still able to find some warmth in it, some mingled nostalgia. (it's a little easier, probably, since he's one of only two people who know the truth about the man's disappearance. the fact that steve had something good to go to, and isn't actually dead, just... gone. but it's only a little easier. the effect is broadly the same.)

he shoves backward until his back's against the headboard too, side-by-side with yelena. the personal details are so halting and rare, but these days, he's trying to remind himself to crack open that box and let people have them. at least some of them. ]

Yeah. Three younger sisters. I was closest to Rebecca.

[ she won't say a thing about bucky inching closer to her on the bed simply out of fear that he will get scared and think she cares about personal space, or worse; that she doesn't like him enough to be in the same vicinity as him even though she is clearly wearing his clothes and let him stitch her up BUT ANYWAY. ]

No, no. I did not say that. You said that, just now.

[ the implication was clear, though. he was definitely pep...pier than bucky. was he adorably dumb? yelena cannot say for sure since she did not know captain america personally and no, alexei's anecdotes do not count.

for some reason, she feels more... relaxed? at peace? with him sitting next to her. she brings her legs up from underneath her, hugs them against her chest to rest her chin between her knees. she's still listening to friends play in the background, but now — she's fully focused on bucky himself. she's especially intrigued that he had siblings. actually, not just siblings but three sisters. ]

Was Rebecca closest to you in age or was she the youngest?

Closest to me in age. We kinda— helped look after the others and keep up the house whenever ma got too overwhelmed. Becca moved to Indiana and had a few kids, but I visited them all before I shipped out.

[ aha— that explains some things, about why he's good with kids. he'd already been uncle james for a little while, long before he ever met sarah wilson's children. ~~or fanny!!~~

bucky's family is long-gone and dead, but there's still a distant fondness when he talks about them. it's a better thing to reminisce about than the other long stretch of his history, after all. after a pause, he casts yelena a look; also far more interested in the person seated beside him, rather than the tv in the background. thinking of the wringer she'd put herself through tonight, the wounds she'd taken to rescue a pair of women: ]

Do you think of all the other widows as your sisters? Or just Nat?

You were the protective older brother type, weren't you?

[ yelena cracks a smile at him, tickled by the image of a younger bucky scaring off boys that dared to look in the direction of any barnes girl while he was around. ]

Your sisters must have grown up to be amazing women.

[ that explains A Lot, actually. she doesn't say it, because the winter soldier program is kind of a sore topic for everybody here but — she's relieved that the very specific and endearing trait of him being good with kids is one that stuck, even after all he's been through.

there is a faraway look on her face when she answers his question. she will always see nat as her real, older sister even though that part of her life was an entire sham, a lie. but it was the best one and the only memory she cherished, that she ever chased while under dreykov's control. ]

Yes. [ said in a heartbeat, as sure as she'll ever sound. ] The happiest I ever was under the guise of a deep, undercover mission as a fake American family and even though it wasn't real, it was real to me. So Natasha, in my heart, is my blood - even if she nags a lot about my hair getting into my food and blah blah blah.

The Widows are my sisters, too. Because they were all I knew for a long time and I looked after them, you know? [ maybe he doesn't, but she doesn't stop— ] I made sure they came back from assignments in one piece; the ones under my watch, at least. So I feel responsible for them and— I see myself in every one of them. It's hard not to think of them as sisters. They probably saw Melina as a mother figure as well. I wouldn't blame them.

How could you tell?

[ a twinkle of knowing mischief in his eye; as if it wasn't the most obvious thing ever. ]

But I do know, yeah. Maybe it's similar— Steve was my closest thing to a brother, and my only brother. I looked after him for so long back in Brooklyn, and then we looked after each other in Europe during the war. There's not a lot of things like the kind of bond you make in the field. When you're keeping each other alive and putting your life in each others' hands, day in and day out. Like how your girls trust you to keep them safe, too.

[ bucky's back is against the headboard, his shoulder just barely brushing hers. the way she curls up into herself is both comfortable and a little vulnerable, those walls dropping with some combination of exhaustion and the kind of bone-weariness you get after a hot shower, pyjamas, a bed. he nudges her with an elbow. ]

It's maybe not exactly the same as what you have with Nat, but it's still important. Think it makes sense, to see them as sisters.

I'm sorry. [ yelena's not good at this. please bear with her, bucky ] For your loss. But at least you have Sam now, yes? It's probably very different to what you had with Steve, but it's nice to have someone around that you can trust and talk to.

[ and this whole moment? the one that they're having right now, a nice and innocent heart-to-heart — all it does is reinforce the fact that yelena definitely has feelings for james barnes. which she was already aware of, and isn't really even hiding to begin with but all of this just makes it... all the more real.

she should be scared, but she isn't. quite the opposite, actually; yelena welcomes it all. from the bantering back-and-forth, the sneaky and brief physical contact here and there, the glances they spare at one another as if people are looking even when they're the only ones in the whole room.

it's not in her nature to run away from something she wants, anyway. so she doesn't care to move her arm from his side and lets it stay there instead. ]

Hey. Are you able to sleep easier these days?

A little. Not much. Why?

[ although it was, after all, the topic that had sparked this particular text conversation and tangent between them, and which had kicked them off winding down this road of spending more time together.

the best distractions were being exhausted after a fight, just falling into a dead bruised sleep afterwards — or, better and probably more healthy yet, crashing on the sofa at the wilsons' had been the best sleep he'd had in a while. maybe it just had something to do with being around people. sunshine, conversation, a friendly beer, the sound of a pair of siblings ribbing each other in the kitchen. normalcy.

which makes him wonder what tonight's rest will be like: better, because he has company around him for once? or maybe even more restless because he'll be self-conscious and too-aware of her presence here, the fact that yelena belova is wearing his clothes and sleeping in his bed. he can't let himself think about it too much. if he starts thinking about it too much, he's bound for disaster. ]

I was just curious. Wanted to know if you'd resorted to absinthe or ketamine.

[ her mouth seems to be in a half-permanent smile around bucky, and it's funny because he called a nurse "better company" but yelena would beg to differ.

she feels her eyelids getting a little heavier, and finds herself squeezing her eyes every now and then when she blinks. it's the painkillers finally kicking in, she thinks. but it also probably has to do with the fact that she feels safe enough in bucky's presence to let her guard down. enough to actually succumb to the exhaustion that's tugging at her conscience.

she's aching everywhere, but she is at ease all at the same time. her head lolls back against the headboard for a second, before ultimately settling on his shoulder. ]

I'm sleepy.

Nah, neither. Maybe you can shoot me with some tranq darts when I'm not looking, since you've already proven yourself such a great ninja.

[ when yelena settles against him, bucky goes still. not stiff enough to make it seem like he's uncomfortable, but more like a deer caught in the headlights, and he's trying not to move at all for risk of dislodging her. but instead, she just seems to squirm closer and so he makes himself relax, inch-by-inch, settling back into the pillows and letting her curl up against his side. he doesn't wrap an arm around her, but he doesn't shift away either. the tv is still on but the volume low; in a mid-episode commercial break now, so someone very cheery in a cheery garden is talking about... laundry detergent, maybe, or car insurance. he's never been able to guess what the product is before the end of the ads. ]

You should get some rest.

Edited 2021-08-03 23:46 (UTC)

Be careful what you wish for, James.

[ it would make for a good prank — albeit one he already knows is coming. the thought of filming it and sending it to nat just to give him more grief makes her giggle.

it's the last thing that comes out of her mouth for a bit, as she drifts into a state that is between not quite awake but not yet asleep while they slowly slide down against the headboard and onto his pillows. the commercial's upbeat music coming from his television box serves as a buffer, until her brain drowns it out and it turns into white noise as she finally caves in and falls into a slumber.

her arms are the first to go slack, her legs following suit. then she's suddenly turning on her side, facing him and knocking her knees against the side of his thigh. her head, funnily, returns to rest on his shoulder instead of the pillow, while one of her hands (again) reaches out to hold onto the hem of his henley shirt. ]

[ the painkillers and alcohol eventually sweep her away, with yelena slowly drifting off and going under, while bucky stays awake. restless, then, he concludes — but he thumbs the remote and turns the volume even lower, until it fades further into the background. the room is dark except for the faint glowing screen of the television, and the white noise of conversation and studio laughter is oddly hypnotic.

when yelena's hand clutches at his shirt, he eventually glances over and down at her, considering. after a moment, the man reaches over her and tugs carefully at the blankets, dragging them up to tuck her in.

thankfully, she's on his right-hand side; bucky was careful about which side of the bed he took, for this very reason, and this means she has a warm flesh-and-blood shoulder to lean into rather than cold vibranium. he exhales. and keeps watching tv, as the night whiles on and while she dozes beside him. a couple more episodes of friends go by. when the programming block changes, he's finally getting drowsy, and hesitates on choosing whether or not to turn it off completely. he likes having the tv on in the background while he sleeps — for the noise, the voices, this place is too quiet even with the traffic outside — but with someone here, maybe it'll be different.

while he's still mulling over that, and before he knows it, he's dozed off himself. so. not the restless insomnia version of the night: instead, bucky falls asleep with yelena grasping at his shirt. he starts off on his side of the bed, on his back, fingers interlaced over his stomach and staring contemplatively up at the ceiling.

this position does not last. miracle of miracles, he doesn't toss and turn as much as usual — maybe it's his body instinctively trying not to disrupt the other body in the bed with him — but he does shift here and there over the course of the night. it's warmer than bucky's used to, thanks to the body heat of someone else on the mattress, plus the fact that he's wearing a shirt and pj pants, when normally he's dressed in almost nothing for bed and he runs warm anyway. so he eventually kicks the blankets off his half of the bed in his sleep, but thankfully doesn't actually wake. he stays unconscious. doesn't wake up in a cold clammy sweat, chased by nightmares.

by morning, he's on his side and has unconsciously burrowed closer: vibranium arm propped under the pillow, right arm slung over yelena's midriff, his face buried between her shoulderblades and in her hair, warm and comfortable, and he doesn't even realise. ]

[ for the first time in a long time, she doesn't dream.

they often vary between night terrors, pleasantly faraway and hazy memories, or completely nonsensical shit depending on what kind of painkillers or alcohol she drinks the night before but — nothing tonight. and if not endlessly chasing after something (or someone) and waking up more exhausted than before she fell asleep isn't the best feeling in the world, she doesn't know what is.

or she might, now that she's finally being roused awake by the sun (that's beating down on her face by the way). yelena is used to sleeping alone, unless she's home with fanny then the foot of her bed is very much occupado by her trustworthy, furry companion but otherwise — she is used to having a bed to herself. or a chair, or the floor.

what she's not used to is the warmth of another human being pressed against her back. nor is she used to having an arm wrapped around her stomach (that is now bare, by the way, because the shirt kept riding up while she settled on a comfortable sleeping position) in a manner that isn't threatening to her life in any way, shape or form. it's just, there — and so is her hand, resting on top of his own hand to keep it where it is.

and then she is suddenly very aware of where his mouth is and it makes all the blood rush to her cheeks — she almost even smiles to herself. so, maybe this isn't so bad. it's... nice. normalcy is, surprisingly, something they're capable of falling into. although, it is just as easy for them to step out of it because she remembers the suture he performed on her no more than ten hours ago. yelena makes the most minute of movements and intertwines their fingers in a gentle effort to pull his arm off of her so she can at least go and use the bathroom but she also doesn't want to wake him?? ]

[ he comes to, slowly, and then all at once.

this is— not how bucky wakes up. normally it's like an unpleasant bucketful of cold water to his face, a sudden lurching out of the depths of unconsciousness like a drowning man. even on top of the nightmares, he doesn't usually like sleep, period; it already feels like he's spent enough of the past century unconscious, put under ice, and so there's always that lingering irrational paranoia that he'll go to sleep and won't wake up again, only to find that another twenty years have gone by before he's thawed. so, normally, it's terrible: just a long stretch of empty lonely grey hours, and time to kill.

but apparently his muscle memory remembers something else. with yelena's hair sprawled across his pillows, he suddenly remembers him and a woman coiled in lazy sheets in his pre-war bachelor flat in downtown brooklyn; he'd taken home one of the nude models from the art class steve had convinced them to take together. he remembers hands interlaced in another girl's bed in a ladies' boarding house where he technically wasn't allowed, and their muffled shared laughter over the fact that he'd have to sneak himself out before breakfast.

he thought those instincts had all been long-buried, laid to rest and bricked up and the dirt shoveled over the grave— but here they are, apparently, and all it took to wake it up was yelena's hair smelling like his shampoo; the warmth of her body beside his; the soft skin of her stomach beneath his hand.

shit.

he already knew, in the abstract, that he was screwed — it had something to do with the way his lungs twisted into a knot around her sometimes — but this underscores it, with near-violent emphasis. her fingers curled over his. the rise-and-fall of her chest in his shirt. he realises the moment when they both tip over into wakefulness, the subtle change to the sound of their breathing; he's too observant and hyper-aware of everything around him to miss it.

the chain of his dogtags dangles over his heartbeat, as it kicks up a notch in his throat. he wonders if she can hear or feel his pulse — if this proximity betrays him, and betrays his tell-tale heart. and does she know yet that he's actually awake, too? does he know if she knows that he knows she's awake?

ugh.

but so when yelena tries to gently extricate herself, it gives him an escape route and so he lets her lift his arm so she can wriggle free, and he doesn't say anything at first. (is it weirder to pretend to still be asleep, or weirder to say hello? hi, good morning, i didn't mean to spoon you, really sorry about that, but also please don't ever leave this bed?)

in the end, bucky opts for an in-between: he grudgingly shifts away and burrows his face into the pillow instead, and makes a nnnrrrgh noise into it, as if he's avoiding the sunlight. (which, also, true.) when he speaks, it's in a muffled mumble into the pillowcase, because if he looks at her and sees her face right beside him, he's gonna have a fucking heart attack. ]

Hey. Morning.

for viuva.

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matching frowny icons bc why not

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pls enjoy my apropos icon

and mine, for u <3

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