( as soon as she's gotten him there, as soon as he knows where to prod it's almost instantly that she comes unbound, that he manages to stoke a flame that's stubbornly fought against her for so long, and once it catches, it's quick to bloom. she no longer has any mind to muffle her sounds, every unconscious defense pitifully crumbling as his wrist immediately takes to working quicker between her thighs. the tips of his fingers continuously prod up against that spot again and again and again, his entire figure leaning in to the motion and he's split her attentions, a hot, damp mouth at the risen peak of her breast and the pressure that rapidly begins to coil beneath her navel.
there's no slow-burn, not when he's fucking her with his fingers like he's intent to leave her completely shattering around him, pulling unforgivably at the strands of hair she's managed to tangle her grasp within, as if she's desperately trying to keep herself together by means of the sole thing taking her apart. he'll be able to read it, the way that end creeps up to claim her and she's reduced to nothing more than a frenetic pitch of sounds — mews that just stumble over one another at the relentless pace he's now set.
he doesn't leave any room for her to think, nothing but to feel him and that bundle that pulls taut, a string ready to maddeningly snap. a gasp leaves flesh caving in around her ribs, and she's giving a )
Fuck, Bucky—
( a warning and a plea all wrapped into one. she's toeing right along that edge like she's being held weightlessly above it, tauntingly, harshly tugging his mouth to hers and meeting it with a hungered kiss. she needs him to hold her through it, milk her through it, and within those last few seconds she manages to find his gaze beneath her lashes, crying up to him like a promise: ) -m' gonna...
( there's a savage kick of pride in his chest as her whole body trembles and quakes and she starts to comes apart around his hand, yanking his face back to hers for another bruising kiss. karen's words are strangled, and so he supplies the rest: )
C'mon, ( he says insistently against her mouth, half-commanding and half-goading, finishing her sentence and swallowing whatever her next words were going to be; he keeps moving as her thighs quaver and then tighten around him, with the curl of a toe, the muscles standing out in the flex of her leg as she digs a knee into his side. his hand's still at the crux between her legs, but as she clenches around him he starts to slow down; less the frenetic pace that had brought her there, now more languidly stroking at her still-sensitive clit instead as she starts to come down from it, as she tumbles over that cliff and he catches her to ease her back down to earth. he kisses her back, hard, pleased with himself for it as he feels the rapid patter of her heartbeat start to settle. all of it smooths out his guttering embarrassment, replaces it with that flickering fire of his confidence starting to come back to life, resurrected somewhere in the way she said his name, that helpless moaning cry. christ, she's beautiful.
he might be a gentleman, but that doesn't mean either of them have to be prim and proper. the next moment she finally breaks away for a breath and melts back onto the couch, he raises his hand to his mouth, sucks off the wetness coating his fingers, licking off the taste of her to clean himself up, all while never breaking her gaze.
and that, too, is a part of this byplay. him looking at her as she looks at him as he does it, it twines another sharp little skein of attraction low in his belly. )
( there's a debauched flush that's colored her cheeks, and all it takes is that encouraging growl of his at her lips to tug at that last thread and she's coming apart around him. silken walls spasm around those two fingers as he rings her through it, that bundle of her clit suddenly sensitive enough to leave hips flitting like after-shocks towards his wrist. there's blissful tug after tug, pulsing richly through her and there's a gratified, drawn-out moan that ebbs every time that current takes her again. it's muffled, soothed by the way he claims her mouth in a bruising kiss, and she doesn't miss the flare of pride there in knowing he'd been the one to bring her here, thighs aching as they release their taunt clasp at his sides.
a spent whine huffs against his lips once she finally begins to come down, fingers that'd raveled within his hair falling to a soothing pattern, nails praising him with a lazed circle — and while the rest of her seems to slow down, take a breath, her pulse still thuds unbridled within her chest. she's claiming her own lips with teeth as his fingers slip out of her, leaving the ache of her walls despairingly empty only to crawl up between them and disappear into the cave of his mouth instead.
she's helpless to watch as he samples her, appreciatively laves his tongue around the digits to take in the glaze of her that'd left them coated. the sight of it alone leaves her eyes blown, and certainly doesn't help her efforts to gain some semblance of a steady breath in. she thumbs across that stubble-ridden chin, fixes on the gloss that's left behind and despite his words in waiting for a response, she's reaching up to give a languid pull at his lower lip. there isn't much that's sharp there, just a nip of teeth and her own swipe of tongue to taste herself there.
a hum in finality, and maybe it's that post-coital daze that has her smiling beneath him, tracing fingertips up beside his brow bone. )
Yeah. ( a mumble, reassured with a nod. ) Are you?
Yeah, ( bucky echoes her with a lopsided grin. he shifts above her, now trying to rearrange his long limbs — his half-dressed disarray seems a little awkward now that they're both ebbing down, so he readjusts, tucks himself back into his boxer-briefs but eventually manages to squirm out of his jeans and kick them off. it leaves them both in their underwear but shirtless, bucky now letting himself sink to the cushions, trying to flop into that narrow strip between karen's body and the edge of the sofa, which means half of him being necessarily sprawled over her in order to not tumble right off and onto the floor.
it's a tough fit, but neither of them seem to mind still being pressed skin-to-skin, sticky with cooling sweat, his metal arm propping himself up with chin tucked into the palm of his hand, his other resting on her stomach. pleasantly sated, tired in that particular way unique to a good orgasm. his heartrate has already settled — another one of the plus sides of the way the serum wired him — but something else keeps turning over in his chest, a kind of queasy happiness taking the place of all that frantic hunger. passion burns through like an all-consuming flame and leaves these quiet smouldering embers behind, and after a thoughtful pause — just looking at her and looking at her, drinking her in, his face going slack and neutral in contemplation — bucky presses an absentminded kiss to the freckled skin of her shoulder.
fishing for the right words, all he can come up with is a wry and very stupid: )
( she remembers this part, at least — when the haste turned to something pliant and a quiet fell around the two. only, she'd never quite reached this moment and found a soft underbelly waiting there to greet her, the way his teeth gleam in the dark with that boyish, coy-subtle smirk. he shifts beside her and she adjusts for what she can to accommodate, having to turn a bit on her side so that both of her limbs and hips can balance at the edge of those cushions. when he settles beside her again, fitting right into the nook between the back of the couch and her, she's resting her palm at his chest, thumb mindlessly swiping back and forth.
a silent, curling envy finds her; that there isn't a stutter of pulse to be found there — how quickly he could hide himself again, if he wanted to.
gently, she's reaching up to twist those metal tags back into place, falling near the arm that keeps him propped, and for a moment she just allows herself to lie there, bathe in him while he bathed in her, warring against that fluttering urge to duck down beneath his chin. how often was it, that someone saw her? really saw her, or cared to look? there's a vulnerability here, the bare canvas of her skin made a silhouette with the candle that ever-burns over her shoulder. he leans in, presses a kiss to her shoulder. two fingertips walk up along the centre of his chest, run a line down his throat thoughtfully.
her gaze stalls there a moment, just as lost to it all as he was, but that smile of hers permeates even teeth trying to bite it back. )
( he leans closer again, just enough to press another lingering kiss to her lips. he can still taste that faint burn on karen's tongue, the back of her throat, although perhaps it's mostly just the memory of the liquor scouring its way down into his chest. his hand wanders again, finger trailing and tracing the line of her jaw, dipping into the dimpled smile at the corner of her mouth.
they're still tangled up in each other, and yet can't keep their hands off each other. stealing any opportunity to touch, to leisurely map their way across each others' bodies, the territory they'd had to rush past in their chase of that blinding pleasure. if there's some kind of expected etiquette here in the aftermath and the afterglow, bucky isn't quite sure what it's supposed to be. but he's content enough to just savour the moment for what it is. he clears his throat. tries to come up with something— polite? thankful? something to unearth that welling of rare gratitude churning inside him, but the words just don't sound like they're enough. )
Thanks for letting me come over.
( it really isn't enough. if he could string together the rest of it, he would. thank you for letting me feel again. thank you for waking me up. thank you for reminding me. thank you, thank you, thank you. )
( there's a nudge of guilt against her sternum, that she'd let herself believe he'd be no different than the rest before he'd even gotten a chance to show her otherwise. how many others would have been gathering their things? retracing their steps to tug back on one layer at a time, content to cover themselves up, to act as if they'd never been there at all. it's more than just a lacking experience, it's that she doesn't quite know how to protect herself. for so long she's had to learn what it was to be alone, always to be ready to let another go; never once did she have learn to let another stay.
he kisses her, and she doesn't want him to pull away once he's there, wrapping thin fingers about his wrist, to keep him there, just like he'd cradled her atop that kitchen island. and even as the kiss breaks she's lingering close, tongue running across her brims as that smile fades to something reverent; thoughtful. )
You don't have to thank me. And don't ... ( a pause, carefully trying t to find a way to articulate what she wants to get across without it splintering what they've built, here. maybe she should just let it be, but she's never been particularly good at that, almost as if she's trying to find some way to salvage the pieces of her he's already taken, should he choose to walk out that door sooner rather than later. )
Ah. Don't feel like you have to stay, if you don't want to. Not that I—
( and the moment the words are out one of her brows wrinkles inward, because she doesn't want him to read too much into it, to think she's merely politely suggesting his exit. a frustrated sigh passes her lips, and she's cursing herself internally for saying a thing in the first place. )
( there's that instinctive little flare of anxiety ticking upwards as she starts talking, wondering if this is how it happens, how she's gonna hint that he should go ahead and make himself scarce. do you want me to? he almost asks, the words caught behind his teeth. because he would in a heartbeat, if she wanted him to. he would tug those jeans back on and find his shirt and his jacket, kiss her goodbye, take his leave, consider this an enjoyable tryst but nothing more, if that was what she needed.
but something in his chest unclenches in something like relief, as karen keeps fumbling for the words. they're both at sea here, apparently, and it's an odd kind of gratification that she doesn't seem to quite know how to navigate this either, the newfound ambiguity of the moment. they're back to walking circles around each other even when they're half-naked together, entwined with each other on the couch. )
I'm fine staying, as long as you don't want me to go.
( his voice is rough and low, but the words are delicately-phrased. he can't even really picture running. bucky's always afraid of yet one more person leaving him.
( her thumb curves just over his pulse point, steady and sure, and she wouldn't blame him if her words alone left him tugging up from that couch — spinning her own tale of irony, chasing away what she longed for the most. as long as you don't want me to go. she doesn't hesitate to shake her head, that palm brushing her cheek and fingers grazing at her jaw, and it's not enough for her, to just shake off the words and accept his stay. no, she wants him to hear it. wants him to be sure, to recognize the one thing she can understand. )
I don't want you to go.
( she wishes the words sounded stronger than they did, that there wasn't years and one too many stories behind them, waiting for the moment when she'd actually let herself fracture enough to say it. karen was nothing weak — resilient, a staggering independence, so often willing to take on a world that offered her so little, at these hours of the night. she hardly knows who she is without her journals and type-face reports, but she likes to think he's given her something, here. a place to hide with him, even if it was just for the night. even if, come tomorrow, it was just the scatter of papers and empty whiskey glasses to keep her company.
delicately she's nudging up to him, noses running alongside one another, and another ginger press of a kiss captures his lips, barely letting them break to murmur again. )
( and when asked that way, how in the world could he say no? with her mouth against his, and he slings a heavy arm over her, fingertips splayed against the small of her back. )
Okay.
Although—
( that one word might sound portentous, but she can feel the way bucky's lips twist into a smile against hers. )
Not sure if this couch is the best place for getting comfortable, though. I'm an old man; I'm gonna throw my back out. You got somewhere with more space?
( it's an honest question, nothing actually salacious intended with it — but once again, he finds himself grateful that she hasn't seen his apartment, and that she hadn't even tried to go there tonight. he still doesn't have a goddamn bed. there wouldn't have been any alternative for them there except the couch itself. )
( there's a grateful little smile that she hides against him, that he lets himself fall so willingly back into that tempered warmth at one point, the first night they'd met, she would of thought he'd never believed himself to hold. he doesn't harp on her insecurities or let her fester too long within them, not without untucking her with a smirk she can see before her eyes even flicker down to find it there, the very things she'd come to remember of him whenever, if ever, this didn't work in their favor. this city has a way of surprising you. and maybe they're both just sticking it out, new yorkers, at heart, even if there's irredeemable pieces of them out there.
she laughs again, a sound that reaches the heart of her belly — an honest laugh. )
I dunno. I think we gave it a good run.
( a sly quip, a flare of mischief finding her hues before she's pressing up onto her own elbow, hovering over him, now. she hums, another quick kiss to his lips, the line of his jaw, lips running along the shell of his ear as she finds his hand blindly in the dark. she makes to sit upright, but not before a murmured: )
( so much of him is like a wild, disheveled hound — shy, guarded, quick to snap its jaws when irritated, but he also noses up into the first piece of proper affection shown to him. lonely and desperate for it, quick to crumble with a friendly touch, a scratch behind the ear. it's easy to win him over the moment he finally lets his guard down, especially with decades' worth of pent-up starvation behind it. he yearns and he yearns and he yearns.
bucky takes her hand and moves through the darkness behind her, leaving their clothing scattered in that line across her apartment: his jacket crumpled on the bench, shirts on the kitchen floor, a tangle of their jeans and his shoes around the couch. before they leave the living room, though, his metal hand reaches and pinches out the flame of the candle. fire safety, miss page!!
and then he's following after, as they wend their way between furniture and towards the hall leading to a bedroom, his eyesight adjusting quick to the dimness once they leave the candle behind, him taking in the rest of her apartment with the scattering of streetlights that filter through the curtains. )
( there aren't any lights to guide them once they make it past the kitchen, and maybe she should've been a bit more inclined to lean on that hint of suggestion that'd toyed between their messages long before he'd even arrived, tidied up a bit more than the main living space. her room's not a mess, to most others' means, in fact, it's one of the only rooms in her apartment that isn't riddled with the contents of various files. instead, there's the tousle of sheets, an unmade bed, a small moleskin with a pen tucked inside it's pages, noting where she'd left off, and a window a foot off of each side of the bed.
there's a noticeable chill once they step inside, floorboards giving that familiar creak, three of her digits tangled lazily with his, arm outstretched behind her like a guiding light.
she used to sleeping in something minimal, and she's not ashamed of her body so much as she's unaccustomed to another being given so much of her, freely on display despite both lamps snuffed out within the room. there's just that pale blue bath of the moonlight pouring in. a single look at that mattress reminds her that she's never once seen another body crawl within it, but she's quick to dismiss the thought as she pauses demurely at the foot of it, letting him catch up beside her only to duck down, leave a love-bite at the round of his shoulder.
and, because she seems on cue to re-tell bits of their night together: )
Better. Less likely to leave me paralysed in the morning.
( teasing, joking, because it's his default mechanism when things risk feeling a bit too serious. but there's an unexpected, schoolgirlish schoolboyish shyness settling into them at having crossed the threshold of her bedroom, like this is some new and daunting barrier for them to cross, despite what they've already done just a few minutes ago. but there's something about being led past those doors: into her closest most private space, the place where she sleeps (and unbeknownst to him, where no one else has been yet). brick walls dismantling. taking in the area, he finds himself itching with curiosity to know what's in that moleskine, but that's a question for another day. he has his own, anyway, sitting safely sequestered in the pocket of his jacket.
mirroring her movement, bucky shifts his position to step behind her, his hands settling on the plump curve of karen's hips, his mouth against the nape of her neck, leaning comfortably into her from behind. )
( that earns a roll of her eyes in the dark, that playful spark both of them seemed to reside comfortably within.
it dawns on her, then, that another reason that bed greeted her so heavily with him trailing behind her was the nightmares it kept, how many times it'd held her when she'd startled upright in a cold sweat, clutching at her throat as if to mechanically remind her lungs to draw in a breath. sleep was never something that'd been kind to her, but she didn't have to worry about it when they were tucked into those bars, not even when he had her pinned against that couch.
how much of her did he want to know, really?
the wooden boards beneath their feet give him away, tell her exactly where to expect the touch of him before it greets her, and it's still not enough to prepare her, those rigid muscles along the plane of her back pulling taut, mostly a sensitive reflex to his breath so close to her shoulder. her brims fold together, an exhale easing from her nose as she closes her eyes, lolls her head back til it's resting at his opposite shoulder. )
The left. ( just beside that notebook, while the opposite nightstand was tidy. a giveaway on it's own. her hands fall to rest over each of his, fingertips curling back over the ridge knuckles. )
( bucky doesn't even know if that's true, but it seems a likely assumption. he doesn't know what he's like trying to sleep in a bed with another human being — those nightmares haunt him, too — or even what his rest will be like in a bed, period, so it could be this was a terrible idea. but he's willing to give it a try. best case scenario, he sleeps. worst case scenario, he just lies awake staring at the ceiling like he does most evenings at home. better case scenario, maybe they kill some more time and neither get a lot of rest tonight.
it's a distant thought, but even joking about it or thinking about it sends another little shiver of desire through him. her hands settle over his and he moulds himself even closer to her back; one of his hands slips loose from under hers in order to palm her breast from behind. and then, lo and behold, she can actually feel his cock starting to stir behind her as he lazily presses his hips into hers. he might not have lasted long at all the first time, the dams breaking down after so many years of erosion, but it turns out he's already somewhat ready to go again. he's been a man wandering loose in the desert, and even that truly excellent sex earlier was just a thimble of water after so much time spent parched. )
( she'd expected the response, but then again, she'd lured it from him in a way — hadn't she? it's difficult to keep some measure of restraint when she can feel the breadth of his chest, solid and humming with heat against her. with that wintry bite of dog tags to her spine like metal sinews that wind about her hip. and if there was any part of her that'd sauntered into that room with him hand in hand that'd had an honest intention to merely lay with him, it's quickly diminished by the telling trail of his palm reaching up to grope at her chest. and what sort of woman would she be not to answer such a touch? one with far, far more self control than she.
what's more, she can feel his cock give a twitch in interest against her, heart that only just begun to settle into its low drums upset once more.
there's a sigh that sounds like a wisp in the room, seemingly amplified now that they're tucked away from everything else, now that they're not confined to a couch but standing in a room that'd only ever been her own. she perks back against him and she's just as helpless as he is, their bodies giving in to their own accord and it's all they can do to follow.
her tongue turns from murmurs in the dark to that familiar hymn of his name once more, spoken crisp and low out into the bedroom before them. when her palm raises to fall in line with his own she reinforces that grasp, but then she's turning to face him, finding his hooded gaze in the dark. despite the urge to claim that bourbon-laced mouth of his, she's using the stern chain of his dog tags to lure him with her as she's stepping backward, rounding the edge of that bed, directing him again til his calves hit the mattress.
it's only then that she makes to crawl over him. whether he shifts to lie back or brace himself against the headboard is his choice, but soon enough her knees are sinking into the mattress at either side of him, purposefully dangling her lips above his just out of reach, a boldness stirred perhaps by the velvet blanket of the night covering the room, or maybe because she knows how that cock feels inside of her, reaching down to palm at him through the cotton of those briefs. )
( this time, he's being pulled along by that cold tug of metal at his throat, and bucky's smirk flourishes and grows at the playful sensation of it; karen coquettishly moving backwards and watching him as she draws him towards the bed. when he settles into the rumpled sheets, he automatically moves to the headboard so he can prop his back against it, watching her approach like the sauntering predator she's become. it's a glorious sight.
and before he can really prepare himself, karen's already climbing into his lap, so close to every part of him and yet hovering just tantalisingly out of reach. she reaches between them to grasp at his hardening cock and he exhales a breath, although it's already less the whole-body earthquake she set off the last time with a single touch. bucky strains forward, hands running up the line of her thighs, mouth trying to chase hers, but she's sitting too high above him; he has to settle for watching her instead, and there's something worshipful and reverent about it, his gaze steady and hungering as his hips judder, although he doesn't have the angle yet to lift off the mattress and press further into her touch.
just a few touches and it's like a forest fire all over again. it really doesn't take much. he hadn't expected this: how he can have this, and have her, and yet never have enough. )
( there's something dangerously alluring about way he yearns up to reach her, the fact that her own brims are just out of reach, licking a shiver up along her spine, a sharp sort of satisfaction that didn't often keep her company. she's not hungering for control over the situation so much as she is reveling in the sight of him wanting, the way his gaze glowers even in the dark once she's bracketed him in a firm straddle. and she's not shy to slot herself in flush, giving a slow, thoughtful roll of her waist, encouraged by those palms climbing her thighs.
a hum husks from her throat as his stiffens so readily beneath her, for her, and perhaps she'll worry more about the commanding effect he has over her to have her switching from a content laze to something burning.
that lace between her legs is still damp from the orgasm he'd ripped through her no more than a few minutes prior, lifting a hand to cup at his cheek, keeping his crown tipped back just enough that their hues stay locked together. another swivel of her hips, knowing, opposite palm splaying against the wall behind him. as tempted as she is to give in to that revering pout, she wants to hear what she's doing to him, hear that gravel-tone of want crawl up from the dredges of his throat to greet her like it had before. her voice is quiet when it sneaks into the dark of the room between them, but it's steady and needing. )
( karen swivels her hips and grinds down against him, and just that barest hint of pressure and weight accidentally trips loose a strangled grunt from him. more, he thinks, but karen has the situation entirely under her control. his mouth feels dry; he swallows again, licks his lips. she's effortlessly turned the tables and he's unprepared for how hearing his own words volleyed back at him zigzags another ache of need to his groin. bucky's eyes dart down, glancing at the ridge of his erection in those boxers, the sight of her knees pressed into the mattress on other side of him.
her free hand catches at his chin, drags his gaze back to hers, and she waits him out until he finds his words again. )
I want—
( bucky hesitates. he hasn't wanted in so very, very long. he had been a machine; a weapon, aimed by hands that weren't his own. always fighting someone else's battles, living a half-life under someone else's thumb. it's such a simple question in this context and yet he finds himself at a temporary loss to answer it: what does he want?
but it's a simple question, sergeant barnes, and in the end, he does have an answer, although his voice is almost hoarse when he admits it: )
I want to feel you around me. Again. I want to see you ride me.
( every bit of that carefully laced control is nearly lost when she hears that grunt press through his teeth, savoring it, replaying it, determined to find out what other sort of noises she could spur out of him, how he'd look with their roles reversed: lying beneath her while she set the pace, while she took him. it wouldn't really be a loss if she merely tugged those layers out of the way just then, if she wrapped her fingers around him and nudged him up against her hot heat — but as she's found, he's been well worth the wait, and despite the vixen-like nature in which she taunts him, there's still that underlying patience that's engraved too deeply to shake.
she's not cold nor practiced nor sated enough to deny him. there's no part of her that wants to, made more so by the way she can see the way the words root themselves within him. the way he leaves her, even if just briefly, mind none too kindly taking him elsewhere before he's back with her again.
it's a reminder even in the jowls of hunger that they both needed something soft, after all they'd been through.
it's an easy tug beside her thigh to inch those briefs down his own, and her lips part to a sharp, stuttered exhale at the sight of his cock springing free from the restraint. lithe fingers take hold of him, all lively heat and flesh, and she's using the swollen prodding of it's head to nudge her panties to the side. she guides him from her clit down to her heat, then back up again as if to lather him, forehead falling down to greet his own, letting him feel the silken folds of her without quite yet letting him delve inside. )
( it's achingly, frustratingly, yearningly close again and yet not enough; karen's languorously dipping him inside, coating the head of his cock, wet with her (god she's still so goddamn wet from earlier), but without giving either of them what they want just yet. bucky's helpless fingertips, metal and flesh alike, dig into the soft skin of her hips and ass — not shoving her into place, but just to have something to hold onto as she slides along the edge of him. with their foreheads pressed together, they're close enough that she can hear that hitch in bucky's breath as his eyes flicker shut. )
You are such a fucking tease,
( he says, his voice ragged against her mouth. but maybe this is exactly what she wanted, too: that low pleased growl and sundering thread in his voice, his heartbeat speeding up again, pulse thudding in his throat and that low throb going straight to his cock. he can't even think of reaching out and palming her breasts again, distracting himself with his hands; his attention is shot again, so all he can focus on is that pounding need between his legs standing at attention, the way she's just barely nudging at him. )
( a short-lived smile captures her lips at that, kittenish and gleaming in the night.
she can already feel all of those little yet-to-bloom bruises from their rouse on the couch planted beneath her skin, all of those little expanses of skin already sensitive to the touch, and more than that gruff tone of his is hands commanding her hips — not necessarily with any sort of momentum, but be damned if he let them get any further. as raggedly as those words urge her otherwise, he doesn't seem to particularly mind her drawing this out, and maybe if she wasn't just as starved, she'd be able to a bit longer, edge him until she knew what that tongue sounded like around a plea.
as much as she'd claim to know herself, there's an entire study missing from the archives: pleasure; she tries for what she can to note these little things mentally, what digs itself beneath her skin, adding dog-ears to every reaction, every sound she's earned from his lips.
her wrist shifts, giving a prod of the tip of her thumb between his lips, taken by the way they part for her insistence, and she's hooking that digit against the lower row of his teeth, against the muscle of his tongue — gently, tentative, and she's humming something dark as her hips curl forward. it's enough for the rigid length of his cock to catch itself at the heart of her — and in a single rock she's sheathing him within her completely, iris' blossoming outward with a thick thud of her pulse, jaw falling slightly slack as every bit of air is forced from her lungs. )
( there's that grunt in the back of his throat again, a moan rippling out from his chest and his lungs as karen finally, finally abruptly sinks down on him, impaling herself on him, and he finds himself drowning in that sensation once more. his mouth's open and panting, but as her thumb brushes against his teeth and tongue, then bucky closes his lips around her, sucking on that digit. not something he'd have thought of doing on his own, but he's observant, and keeping a mental tally of his own: cataloguing the way karen gravitates to the pout of his lips, her fingers so often drifting to his mouth, and now that dazed shift to her expression as his tongue laves at the crook of her thumb, even as she starts to rock in his lap.
bucky had controlled the pace last time, but now it's all her: the way she slides up and down the hard length of him, her other hand bracing herself against the wall behind the bed. he nips at her finger, teeth grazing a little harder, and when next his mouth gasps open, he only manages the stuttering start of this sentence: )
( he doesn't have to rut her faster, doesn't have to ask for anything when his cheeks hollow out subtly around that digit, causing it to curl in further. it's enough of an encouragement. only, when she starts to move her hips that carefully honed focus disorients, branches out into so many different directions, all demanding her attention — how she still feels inexplicably tight, how her movements carry an ache now that distinguishes itself from the rest — a you've been here before. recent. walls still torn from when he'd nestled between her thighs, when fingers had jarred at her limits.
her own brims remain parted as he gasps, as if she could draw that split breath into her, and a glossed thumb drops from his teeth to drag across his chin, curling digits in against that wall as if she could grasp it.
she doesn't have to think, she just needs, allows her body to seek out exactly what it needs — and it's an uptick in her pace, using the press of her knees into that mattress to raise herself til only the tip of his cock is tucked inside, before she's taking him again — letting herself memorize every single inch, appreciate his size and that wicked tug of pleasure the deeper he hits. )
Yeah?
( it's a fluttered whisper, on a rise, gritting her jaw to a pointed whimper the moment he's gliding into her again, this time with a bit more vigor. )
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there's no slow-burn, not when he's fucking her with his fingers like he's intent to leave her completely shattering around him, pulling unforgivably at the strands of hair she's managed to tangle her grasp within, as if she's desperately trying to keep herself together by means of the sole thing taking her apart. he'll be able to read it, the way that end creeps up to claim her and she's reduced to nothing more than a frenetic pitch of sounds — mews that just stumble over one another at the relentless pace he's now set.
he doesn't leave any room for her to think, nothing but to feel him and that bundle that pulls taut, a string ready to maddeningly snap. a gasp leaves flesh caving in around her ribs, and she's giving a )
Fuck, Bucky—
( a warning and a plea all wrapped into one. she's toeing right along that edge like she's being held weightlessly above it, tauntingly, harshly tugging his mouth to hers and meeting it with a hungered kiss. she needs him to hold her through it, milk her through it, and within those last few seconds she manages to find his gaze beneath her lashes, crying up to him like a promise: ) -m' gonna...
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C'mon, ( he says insistently against her mouth, half-commanding and half-goading, finishing her sentence and swallowing whatever her next words were going to be; he keeps moving as her thighs quaver and then tighten around him, with the curl of a toe, the muscles standing out in the flex of her leg as she digs a knee into his side. his hand's still at the crux between her legs, but as she clenches around him he starts to slow down; less the frenetic pace that had brought her there, now more languidly stroking at her still-sensitive clit instead as she starts to come down from it, as she tumbles over that cliff and he catches her to ease her back down to earth. he kisses her back, hard, pleased with himself for it as he feels the rapid patter of her heartbeat start to settle. all of it smooths out his guttering embarrassment, replaces it with that flickering fire of his confidence starting to come back to life, resurrected somewhere in the way she said his name, that helpless moaning cry. christ, she's beautiful.
he might be a gentleman, but that doesn't mean either of them have to be prim and proper. the next moment she finally breaks away for a breath and melts back onto the couch, he raises his hand to his mouth, sucks off the wetness coating his fingers, licking off the taste of her to clean himself up, all while never breaking her gaze.
and that, too, is a part of this byplay. him looking at her as she looks at him as he does it, it twines another sharp little skein of attraction low in his belly. )
You alright?
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a spent whine huffs against his lips once she finally begins to come down, fingers that'd raveled within his hair falling to a soothing pattern, nails praising him with a lazed circle — and while the rest of her seems to slow down, take a breath, her pulse still thuds unbridled within her chest. she's claiming her own lips with teeth as his fingers slip out of her, leaving the ache of her walls despairingly empty only to crawl up between them and disappear into the cave of his mouth instead.
she's helpless to watch as he samples her, appreciatively laves his tongue around the digits to take in the glaze of her that'd left them coated. the sight of it alone leaves her eyes blown, and certainly doesn't help her efforts to gain some semblance of a steady breath in. she thumbs across that stubble-ridden chin, fixes on the gloss that's left behind and despite his words in waiting for a response, she's reaching up to give a languid pull at his lower lip. there isn't much that's sharp there, just a nip of teeth and her own swipe of tongue to taste herself there.
a hum in finality, and maybe it's that post-coital daze that has her smiling beneath him, tracing fingertips up beside his brow bone. )
Yeah. ( a mumble, reassured with a nod. ) Are you?
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it's a tough fit, but neither of them seem to mind still being pressed skin-to-skin, sticky with cooling sweat, his metal arm propping himself up with chin tucked into the palm of his hand, his other resting on her stomach. pleasantly sated, tired in that particular way unique to a good orgasm. his heartrate has already settled — another one of the plus sides of the way the serum wired him — but something else keeps turning over in his chest, a kind of queasy happiness taking the place of all that frantic hunger. passion burns through like an all-consuming flame and leaves these quiet smouldering embers behind, and after a thoughtful pause — just looking at her and looking at her, drinking her in, his face going slack and neutral in contemplation — bucky presses an absentminded kiss to the freckled skin of her shoulder.
fishing for the right words, all he can come up with is a wry and very stupid: )
That was... nice.
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a silent, curling envy finds her; that there isn't a stutter of pulse to be found there — how quickly he could hide himself again, if he wanted to.
gently, she's reaching up to twist those metal tags back into place, falling near the arm that keeps him propped, and for a moment she just allows herself to lie there, bathe in him while he bathed in her, warring against that fluttering urge to duck down beneath his chin. how often was it, that someone saw her? really saw her, or cared to look? there's a vulnerability here, the bare canvas of her skin made a silhouette with the candle that ever-burns over her shoulder. he leans in, presses a kiss to her shoulder. two fingertips walk up along the centre of his chest, run a line down his throat thoughtfully.
her gaze stalls there a moment, just as lost to it all as he was, but that smile of hers permeates even teeth trying to bite it back. )
Of all the gin joints in all of the world...
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( he leans closer again, just enough to press another lingering kiss to her lips. he can still taste that faint burn on karen's tongue, the back of her throat, although perhaps it's mostly just the memory of the liquor scouring its way down into his chest. his hand wanders again, finger trailing and tracing the line of her jaw, dipping into the dimpled smile at the corner of her mouth.
they're still tangled up in each other, and yet can't keep their hands off each other. stealing any opportunity to touch, to leisurely map their way across each others' bodies, the territory they'd had to rush past in their chase of that blinding pleasure. if there's some kind of expected etiquette here in the aftermath and the afterglow, bucky isn't quite sure what it's supposed to be. but he's content enough to just savour the moment for what it is. he clears his throat. tries to come up with something— polite? thankful? something to unearth that welling of rare gratitude churning inside him, but the words just don't sound like they're enough. )
Thanks for letting me come over.
( it really isn't enough. if he could string together the rest of it, he would. thank you for letting me feel again. thank you for waking me up. thank you for reminding me. thank you, thank you, thank you. )
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he kisses her, and she doesn't want him to pull away once he's there, wrapping thin fingers about his wrist, to keep him there, just like he'd cradled her atop that kitchen island. and even as the kiss breaks she's lingering close, tongue running across her brims as that smile fades to something reverent; thoughtful. )
You don't have to thank me. And don't ... ( a pause, carefully trying t to find a way to articulate what she wants to get across without it splintering what they've built, here. maybe she should just let it be, but she's never been particularly good at that, almost as if she's trying to find some way to salvage the pieces of her he's already taken, should he choose to walk out that door sooner rather than later. )
Ah. Don't feel like you have to stay, if you don't want to. Not that I—
( and the moment the words are out one of her brows wrinkles inward, because she doesn't want him to read too much into it, to think she's merely politely suggesting his exit. a frustrated sigh passes her lips, and she's cursing herself internally for saying a thing in the first place. )
Sorry. I'm not saying you should leave.
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but something in his chest unclenches in something like relief, as karen keeps fumbling for the words. they're both at sea here, apparently, and it's an odd kind of gratification that she doesn't seem to quite know how to navigate this either, the newfound ambiguity of the moment. they're back to walking circles around each other even when they're half-naked together, entwined with each other on the couch. )
I'm fine staying, as long as you don't want me to go.
( his voice is rough and low, but the words are delicately-phrased. he can't even really picture running. bucky's always afraid of yet one more person leaving him.
so maybe this is a fear they both understand. )
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I don't want you to go.
( she wishes the words sounded stronger than they did, that there wasn't years and one too many stories behind them, waiting for the moment when she'd actually let herself fracture enough to say it. karen was nothing weak — resilient, a staggering independence, so often willing to take on a world that offered her so little, at these hours of the night. she hardly knows who she is without her journals and type-face reports, but she likes to think he's given her something, here. a place to hide with him, even if it was just for the night. even if, come tomorrow, it was just the scatter of papers and empty whiskey glasses to keep her company.
delicately she's nudging up to him, noses running alongside one another, and another ginger press of a kiss captures his lips, barely letting them break to murmur again. )
Stay.
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Okay.
Although—
( that one word might sound portentous, but she can feel the way bucky's lips twist into a smile against hers. )
Not sure if this couch is the best place for getting comfortable, though. I'm an old man; I'm gonna throw my back out. You got somewhere with more space?
( it's an honest question, nothing actually salacious intended with it — but once again, he finds himself grateful that she hasn't seen his apartment, and that she hadn't even tried to go there tonight. he still doesn't have a goddamn bed. there wouldn't have been any alternative for them there except the couch itself. )
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she laughs again, a sound that reaches the heart of her belly — an honest laugh. )
I dunno. I think we gave it a good run.
( a sly quip, a flare of mischief finding her hues before she's pressing up onto her own elbow, hovering over him, now. she hums, another quick kiss to his lips, the line of his jaw, lips running along the shell of his ear as she finds his hand blindly in the dark. she makes to sit upright, but not before a murmured: )
Come with me.
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bucky takes her hand and moves through the darkness behind her, leaving their clothing scattered in that line across her apartment: his jacket crumpled on the bench, shirts on the kitchen floor, a tangle of their jeans and his shoes around the couch. before they leave the living room, though, his metal hand reaches and pinches out the flame of the candle. fire safety, miss page!!
and then he's following after, as they wend their way between furniture and towards the hall leading to a bedroom, his eyesight adjusting quick to the dimness once they leave the candle behind, him taking in the rest of her apartment with the scattering of streetlights that filter through the curtains. )
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there's a noticeable chill once they step inside, floorboards giving that familiar creak, three of her digits tangled lazily with his, arm outstretched behind her like a guiding light.
she used to sleeping in something minimal, and she's not ashamed of her body so much as she's unaccustomed to another being given so much of her, freely on display despite both lamps snuffed out within the room. there's just that pale blue bath of the moonlight pouring in. a single look at that mattress reminds her that she's never once seen another body crawl within it, but she's quick to dismiss the thought as she pauses demurely at the foot of it, letting him catch up beside her only to duck down, leave a love-bite at the round of his shoulder.
and, because she seems on cue to re-tell bits of their night together: )
Better?
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( teasing, joking, because it's his default mechanism when things risk feeling a bit too serious. but there's an unexpected, schoolgirlish schoolboyish shyness settling into them at having crossed the threshold of her bedroom, like this is some new and daunting barrier for them to cross, despite what they've already done just a few minutes ago. but there's something about being led past those doors: into her closest most private space, the place where she sleeps (and unbeknownst to him, where no one else has been yet). brick walls dismantling. taking in the area, he finds himself itching with curiosity to know what's in that moleskine, but that's a question for another day. he has his own, anyway, sitting safely sequestered in the pocket of his jacket.
mirroring her movement, bucky shifts his position to step behind her, his hands settling on the plump curve of karen's hips, his mouth against the nape of her neck, leaning comfortably into her from behind. )
You got a preferred side of the bed?
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it dawns on her, then, that another reason that bed greeted her so heavily with him trailing behind her was the nightmares it kept, how many times it'd held her when she'd startled upright in a cold sweat, clutching at her throat as if to mechanically remind her lungs to draw in a breath. sleep was never something that'd been kind to her, but she didn't have to worry about it when they were tucked into those bars, not even when he had her pinned against that couch.
how much of her did he want to know, really?
the wooden boards beneath their feet give him away, tell her exactly where to expect the touch of him before it greets her, and it's still not enough to prepare her, those rigid muscles along the plane of her back pulling taut, mostly a sensitive reflex to his breath so close to her shoulder. her brims fold together, an exhale easing from her nose as she closes her eyes, lolls her head back til it's resting at his opposite shoulder. )
The left. ( just beside that notebook, while the opposite nightstand was tidy. a giveaway on it's own. her hands fall to rest over each of his, fingertips curling back over the ridge knuckles. )
Just how likely are you to keep to your side, hm?
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( bucky doesn't even know if that's true, but it seems a likely assumption. he doesn't know what he's like trying to sleep in a bed with another human being — those nightmares haunt him, too — or even what his rest will be like in a bed, period, so it could be this was a terrible idea. but he's willing to give it a try. best case scenario, he sleeps. worst case scenario, he just lies awake staring at the ceiling like he does most evenings at home. better case scenario, maybe they kill some more time and neither get a lot of rest tonight.
it's a distant thought, but even joking about it or thinking about it sends another little shiver of desire through him. her hands settle over his and he moulds himself even closer to her back; one of his hands slips loose from under hers in order to palm her breast from behind. and then, lo and behold, she can actually feel his cock starting to stir behind her as he lazily presses his hips into hers. he might not have lasted long at all the first time, the dams breaking down after so many years of erosion, but it turns out he's already somewhat ready to go again. he's been a man wandering loose in the desert, and even that truly excellent sex earlier was just a thimble of water after so much time spent parched. )
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what's more, she can feel his cock give a twitch in interest against her, heart that only just begun to settle into its low drums upset once more.
there's a sigh that sounds like a wisp in the room, seemingly amplified now that they're tucked away from everything else, now that they're not confined to a couch but standing in a room that'd only ever been her own. she perks back against him and she's just as helpless as he is, their bodies giving in to their own accord and it's all they can do to follow.
her tongue turns from murmurs in the dark to that familiar hymn of his name once more, spoken crisp and low out into the bedroom before them. when her palm raises to fall in line with his own she reinforces that grasp, but then she's turning to face him, finding his hooded gaze in the dark. despite the urge to claim that bourbon-laced mouth of his, she's using the stern chain of his dog tags to lure him with her as she's stepping backward, rounding the edge of that bed, directing him again til his calves hit the mattress.
it's only then that she makes to crawl over him. whether he shifts to lie back or brace himself against the headboard is his choice, but soon enough her knees are sinking into the mattress at either side of him, purposefully dangling her lips above his just out of reach, a boldness stirred perhaps by the velvet blanket of the night covering the room, or maybe because she knows how that cock feels inside of her, reaching down to palm at him through the cotton of those briefs. )
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and before he can really prepare himself, karen's already climbing into his lap, so close to every part of him and yet hovering just tantalisingly out of reach. she reaches between them to grasp at his hardening cock and he exhales a breath, although it's already less the whole-body earthquake she set off the last time with a single touch. bucky strains forward, hands running up the line of her thighs, mouth trying to chase hers, but she's sitting too high above him; he has to settle for watching her instead, and there's something worshipful and reverent about it, his gaze steady and hungering as his hips judder, although he doesn't have the angle yet to lift off the mattress and press further into her touch.
just a few touches and it's like a forest fire all over again. it really doesn't take much. he hadn't expected this: how he can have this, and have her, and yet never have enough. )
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a hum husks from her throat as his stiffens so readily beneath her, for her, and perhaps she'll worry more about the commanding effect he has over her to have her switching from a content laze to something burning.
that lace between her legs is still damp from the orgasm he'd ripped through her no more than a few minutes prior, lifting a hand to cup at his cheek, keeping his crown tipped back just enough that their hues stay locked together. another swivel of her hips, knowing, opposite palm splaying against the wall behind him. as tempted as she is to give in to that revering pout, she wants to hear what she's doing to him, hear that gravel-tone of want crawl up from the dredges of his throat to greet her like it had before. her voice is quiet when it sneaks into the dark of the room between them, but it's steady and needing. )
Tell me what you want.
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her free hand catches at his chin, drags his gaze back to hers, and she waits him out until he finds his words again. )
I want—
( bucky hesitates. he hasn't wanted in so very, very long. he had been a machine; a weapon, aimed by hands that weren't his own. always fighting someone else's battles, living a half-life under someone else's thumb. it's such a simple question in this context and yet he finds himself at a temporary loss to answer it: what does he want?
but it's a simple question, sergeant barnes, and in the end, he does have an answer, although his voice is almost hoarse when he admits it: )
I want to feel you around me. Again. I want to see you ride me.
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she's not cold nor practiced nor sated enough to deny him. there's no part of her that wants to, made more so by the way she can see the way the words root themselves within him. the way he leaves her, even if just briefly, mind none too kindly taking him elsewhere before he's back with her again.
it's a reminder even in the jowls of hunger that they both needed something soft, after all they'd been through.
it's an easy tug beside her thigh to inch those briefs down his own, and her lips part to a sharp, stuttered exhale at the sight of his cock springing free from the restraint. lithe fingers take hold of him, all lively heat and flesh, and she's using the swollen prodding of it's head to nudge her panties to the side. she guides him from her clit down to her heat, then back up again as if to lather him, forehead falling down to greet his own, letting him feel the silken folds of her without quite yet letting him delve inside. )
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You are such a fucking tease,
( he says, his voice ragged against her mouth. but maybe this is exactly what she wanted, too: that low pleased growl and sundering thread in his voice, his heartbeat speeding up again, pulse thudding in his throat and that low throb going straight to his cock. he can't even think of reaching out and palming her breasts again, distracting himself with his hands; his attention is shot again, so all he can focus on is that pounding need between his legs standing at attention, the way she's just barely nudging at him. )
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she can already feel all of those little yet-to-bloom bruises from their rouse on the couch planted beneath her skin, all of those little expanses of skin already sensitive to the touch, and more than that gruff tone of his is hands commanding her hips — not necessarily with any sort of momentum, but be damned if he let them get any further. as raggedly as those words urge her otherwise, he doesn't seem to particularly mind her drawing this out, and maybe if she wasn't just as starved, she'd be able to a bit longer, edge him until she knew what that tongue sounded like around a plea.
as much as she'd claim to know herself, there's an entire study missing from the archives: pleasure; she tries for what she can to note these little things mentally, what digs itself beneath her skin, adding dog-ears to every reaction, every sound she's earned from his lips.
her wrist shifts, giving a prod of the tip of her thumb between his lips, taken by the way they part for her insistence, and she's hooking that digit against the lower row of his teeth, against the muscle of his tongue — gently, tentative, and she's humming something dark as her hips curl forward. it's enough for the rigid length of his cock to catch itself at the heart of her — and in a single rock she's sheathing him within her completely, iris' blossoming outward with a thick thud of her pulse, jaw falling slightly slack as every bit of air is forced from her lungs. )
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bucky had controlled the pace last time, but now it's all her: the way she slides up and down the hard length of him, her other hand bracing herself against the wall behind the bed. he nips at her finger, teeth grazing a little harder, and when next his mouth gasps open, he only manages the stuttering start of this sentence: )
God. You— you feel so good.
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her own brims remain parted as he gasps, as if she could draw that split breath into her, and a glossed thumb drops from his teeth to drag across his chin, curling digits in against that wall as if she could grasp it.
she doesn't have to think, she just needs, allows her body to seek out exactly what it needs — and it's an uptick in her pace, using the press of her knees into that mattress to raise herself til only the tip of his cock is tucked inside, before she's taking him again — letting herself memorize every single inch, appreciate his size and that wicked tug of pleasure the deeper he hits. )
Yeah?
( it's a fluttered whisper, on a rise, gritting her jaw to a pointed whimper the moment he's gliding into her again, this time with a bit more vigor. )
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